Cooking..... Mainly Just Tasting

I grew up baking. My Mom and Dad are fantastic cooks, and both sets of my Grandparents promote cooking. I learned how to cook from my Parents and am in the slow... and sometimes painful process of  teaching my boyfriend. I have tons of cookbooks everything from gourmet to cooking with vodka.... I love the smell of freshly cooked anything really. There are only a few things that I will not eat but I am willing to try anything once. But here is the thing....

I HATE DOING DISHES!

Even today I find myself baking up some delicious cookies recipe here. Mine don't look like the ones on the website so please do not judge me. I think I was supposed to cook the oats... but it doesn't say. Hell, they still taste good so I won't complain.

But I looked in the sink and I had: 1 knife, 2 measuring cups, 1 tablespoon, 1 teaspoon, 1 spoon, 1 bowl, 1 baking sheet, and then all the crap from breakfast.

WHY! (Imagine me on the floor of my apartment galley kitchen on my knees screaming to the heavens.... "WHY!?")

Why do dishes have to be so unfun to wash? Why do we have to wash them at all? I wish there were disposable dishes for everything.... but that would be environmentally irresponsible and then the landfills would fill up to fast. Even writing this blog post is pissing me off. Thank the lord my boyfriend helps with the dishes because if he didn't I might very well go insane.

Microwave meals are easier... but don't they say that microwaves will kill us one day? Much like just about everything else we are exposed to these days?

Exercise.... it's for skinny people

Now despite how many fitness type magazine you might see me purchase at Kroger/Target/Walmart/CVS/7-11 I truly hate working out. Anyone that tells you that they enjoy working out can go ride an elliptical off of a cliff, bench press something without a spotter, Zumba until they pass out, P90X their way into a horrible depression, and run until their legs are nothing but nubs.

THEY ARE LIERS!

This is reality.

Brutal right? The truth isn't so pretty.

I have said that I love working out.... I'm a lier. I hate it. No one likes to make themself workout when they could be sitting on the couch watching My Strange Addiction or Toddlers and Tiaras while eating their favorite candy or ice cream.

Another horrible thing about working out is the whole calorie thing. If you want to look amazing and eat what you want you are shit out of luck my friend. Here is the magical equation:

I shit you not! Who spent time figuring that horrid formula out. It should be named the horrible equation that will torture women forever! Here's the facts: When I plug all my depressing information into that equation it tells me that I burn around 1,500 calories per day.... did you know that there are approximately 3,500 calories in 1 lb?! So if I want to lose 1 lb per day (cough BIGGEST LOSER) on a typical 1,200 calorie diet I would have to burn 3,800 calories in one day I would have to spend over 6 hours on a treadmill running at a constant speed of 5 mph, or I would have to partake in about 900 minutes of Archery..... You can thank this website for that lovely gem of knowledge.

So when it all comes down to it....

I will probably end up working out for the rest of my life, and I have come to terms with that...

But if we want results like this....

Please note.... This is not me.

We shall be slaves to metal machines, ugly workout clothing, body image, gluten free diets, low calorie diets, high protein diets, detox programs, fitness crazes, and general fitness fads...

And that is why Exercise is a reason for loving life.

Will & Grace before and after coffee

For the past week I have been helping at a rock climbing gym during their summer camps (I love rock climbing.... more to come later on that) and my morning ritual is pretty solid already. My alarm goes off at 7:00 am and I get up and pick out which outfit to wear (I just pick 1 of the 5 shirts I have from the gym and one of a few climbable shorts or capris which don't give me a camel toe or huge wedge when I move) do my hair and makeup..... yes I do my hair and makeup (nothing glamours or crazy just something so I don't look like I was up partying all night or that a raccoon was nesting in my hair overnight) and then I grumble on my way out to the kitchen and prepare some "healthy" breakfast for myself (more on my healthy crap another day) and I plop myself down in front of the TV and turn on lifetime or logo whichever it is that morning and watch....

Will & Grace

Yes.... I watch Will & Grace. When I initially sit down to watch Will & Grace I am excited... grumpy and still half awake but none the less excited. As I slowly sip down the Keurig k-cup goodness (more to come on that later) the show starts getting better and better. Don't get me wrong Will & Grace is a funny show no matter what time it is on and yes it has been dealt the fate of "TV show that will be put on any time of the day" so sometimes I watch it at 2am when I can't sleep as well.

But here is the best part about Will & Grace...

I feel like no matter how unlike me Grace Adler is I feel like I AM HER...... or in some weird way that if I put myself in some other situations in life.... like if I lived in the gayer part of Texas..... um.... I don't really know where that is.... or if I went to Interior Design School.... or moved to New York.... or was a Jew..... I might actually call up someone and sue them for life rights.

Isn't it every girls wish to have a best gay friend? Being a former Theatre Major I had a few gay friends but never the gay BEST friend..... I clearly missed out on my opportunity because now not only am I a teacher but I am a teacher in TEXAS..... FML. There is no hope for me to go shopping with my gay best friend now, or go clubbing, or play dress up, or do anything else you do with a gay best friend.

Thought: why does a man being gay affect how women who are friends with them not care at all when gay men touch them?

I distinctly remember a situation in college where I was walking around in my yoga pants.... and thinking back to it now.... not a good choice... but I was walking around and one of the many gay men around said:

"One of your butt cheeks is bigger than the other."

My response: "Your kidding right."
I was in college, clearly I wasn't working out. My working out was driving to Taco Bueno and scarfing all the food down before I got back to my apartment and let my 3 roommates see a sad girl in yoga pants that are too tight eating her own weight in over processed cheese/meat and questionable vegetables. BUT none the less, after people staring at it and everyone agreeing I seem to remember a hand being put right onto my butt to see if someone could feel the difference. And I was OK with it.

I MISS THAT. Where is my gay friend to cup my butt and tell me that my right is bigger than my left!?

And that's why Will & Grace is another reason to love life.... I was at one point a very watered down version of Grace Adler.

Which one will they pick?

This is the first post.... clearly.

Here are some of the basics. I grew up well off but damn is my family different. We are different in a bunch of different ways from your family or that one next door. I grew up having a lot of things.... you might say I was well off, spoiled, a brat... say what you want because I frankly don't care (mainly because I might never meet you). But this blog is about my life and how I got to today and how awesome life can be sometimes. What put me to this point in my life where on a Saturday night I am sitting in my apartment, with the lights off, watching HGTV on a Saturday night with my dog passed out beside me on the couch.... House Hunters.... it gets me every time. So that brings me to reason number one.....

HOUSE HUNTERS

Is it the mystery that draws me in? No.
Is it the fantastic locations? No.

It's because I love judging people for what house they pick. I sit there and weigh all of the options and houses like I personally was a part of this HGTV fantasy world where Sandra Minamono or whatever her name is is walking around my town of choice choosing a home for me. Will this ever happen? Probably not which doesn't keep me up at night crying, but on a binge on House Hunters may upset me as I quickly realize that I don't live in Canada where most of the episodes are shot (yes I know that because I honestly watch it that much) and no one wants to see a poor teacher house hunt in a wealthy suburb of Texas. I can just imagine the episode where I am looking for my dream home that I can afford on a teacher salary....

"You know Sandra a half bath would be fine for me so lets open the search to a 1 bedroom 1/2 bath home...."

"Nah mold is great to build up the immune system."

"Who needs a roof."

It would be too depressing and they would just have to fly back to Canada to film another episode. But I honestly love watching these people walk through homes and pick them out. How can they not see the potential in the fixer upper? Have I also watched too many episodes of Sell This House and Flipped and more? I am a DIY whore..... but wait.... I've really honestly never DIYed anything. I've sewn things but I've never painted a room or tiled a bathtub.... what makes me think that I have some skill at doing these things?

So just know that when I am searching for my first house I will imagine that it is my very own episode of House Hunters.